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Thursday, January 12, 2012

Ways To Avoid Work

It's almost Chinese New Year again and time for the annual spring-cleaning! Just two days ago, my mother broke off her thumbnail whilst scrubbing close to the bathroom outlet. She felt the pain, but figured it wasn't anything because there was no blood. Yup, she has a high threshold for pain. Fact is, she does everything in haste, and that tends to lead to injuries. Don't know what her rush is, but that's always been the way she does things. I was thinking to myself, "I would never get such injuries because: 
  1. I do things slowly
  2. I don't do things if I can help it"
So today, she gave me the task of wiping/cleaning the windows and the grills. Lots of house gecko droppings and dust/grime. It's a lot to do. Want to know how I managed to take 1.5 hours and make her then say, "Continue another day"? Actually, I'll be adding more points (which I didn't need to do) for your benefit.

  • When tasked to do the chore, don't complain. Do it 'willingly' without excuses.
  • Make sure you are seen doing the task in public - if it's cleaning the windows, remove the window/pane and wash it in view of others. Ensure that the person who told you to do the work sees this and feels remorse.
  • After some time, start grunting and making 'working hard' sounds that would put any porn star to shame.
  • Go OCD and treat the stain/grime like an enemy. Concentrate on one spot for as long as you can.
  • Instead of wiping, use a toothbrush for those hard-to-reach places.
  • Yowl in pain/discomfort when bits of soap powder gets flicked into your eye thanks to the toothbrush.
  • Insist on going to the doctor for proper medical attention or you will go blind.
  • Failing that, wear goggles/mask after washing eyes.
  • Take as much time as possible to do the task. When not being watched, take your time changing the water in the pail. Look at flowers, check out the praying mantis on the chilli leaf.
  • Stop for breaks. After lunch, go back to doing the chore.
  • What might take other people to finish in an hour, plan to finish in three days.
  • Bribe neighbour/person who can see you doing the work in public to say, "Wow, I never knew I'd see another Cinderella in my life! Cleaning with a toothbrush!" to the task-giver.
  • Hurt yourself - nothing major, just enough for blood loss. Do NOT try to break bones, though it will certainly help in avoiding the chores for awhile.
  • If you have to clean dishes, look for stubborn stains that require industrial strength detergent/cleaner and a lot of elbow grease.
  • Never, ever complain or break things. Make it the task-giver's choice to stop you while you still want to do it.
While this worked for me, it might backfire if you do such a good job that they start expecting the best from you every time. Don't underestimate the intelligence of the task-giver who may see through your ploy.

Good luck avoiding the work, and Happy New Year!

Update 16th Jan 2012: After two days (consisting of 1.5 hour sessions), the task giver did the remainder of the work while I was watching the Golden Globes. ;-)